There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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