i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
