i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
