Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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