Christians are straight up FREAKS
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
