My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
