Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
