Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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