just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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