he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
