uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
