You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
