taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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