I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
