puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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