saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i think my cat just said my name.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
