Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
40s are totally the cure
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
