My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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