She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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