I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we're making bets on your personal life
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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