God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
