You smell like a Billy Joel song
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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