he puts the penis in happiness.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
