someone threw a dead crab at me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pooping to opera.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
