Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
