I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
