I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
