i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
