You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
