last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize