Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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