Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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