No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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