Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
