So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize