stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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