return my video game
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
