Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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