Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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