I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
