I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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