FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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