Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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