wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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