Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
