i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
