I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.