We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I need moral support for this bender
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.