So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat