I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...