I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
