how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
