Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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