i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
