i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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