ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
