How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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