How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
farters have to be the big spoon...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
