I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
