they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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