Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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