oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
