who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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