i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize