I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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