Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
