I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
