I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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