I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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