Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
