i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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