I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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