just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
